Intergenerational Worship

By Mel Prideaux

The picture on this slide is of the oldest and two youngest members of the congregation in Wakefield. They are all firm friends and delight in each others company. Phyllis, in the centre, is deaf and virtually blind. Family friendly worship is about making her feel welcome, as well as the children. It may in your congregation be about making a young adult with special needs, or the carer for that young adult, feel welcome. Family friendliness is about welcoming everybody, however they come and whatever their needs. It is challenging but should be part of the basic work of every church. Family friendly worship is not the same as intergenerational worship. All worship can be family friendly by thinking about the environment and resources available, intergenerational worship is by its nature family friendly, but it also goes a step further and tries to engage everyone in the worship as well as ensure everybody is at least comfortable for worship!

Family friendly worship in practical terms means some adjustments. Most churches now have disabled access. Thinking in terms of the specific needs of families, there are some practical adjustments which can make a lot of difference to how welcoming a church feels. Having something for children to do, appropriate refreshments for children, and somebody who will make sure new families know where things are (like the baby changing facilities) will make everyone feel welcome. It isn't possible to make the physical changes unless the attitudinal changes have already been made!

In order to plan good intergenerational worship it is necessary to have already addressed the issue of what you understand worship to be. Good intergenerational worship is simply good worship. The form and experience of intergenerational worship challenges us in ways other than the intellectual, which can be the main 'substance' of the sermon-centred service. All the expectations we have of good worship are the same for worship that includes people of all ages and abilities. It is not about making things simple, but about making them accessible. It is often, therefore, more intellectually demanding to plan! Good worship will emphasise participation - the opportunity for people to communicate with one another and/or be physically involved in worship. Intergenerational worship will rarely be passive - but that does not mean it can not be quiet and meditative. Even very young children respond amazingly well to stillness, but it is always necessary to have another option if it is not working well on any one occasion. Good worship will also appeal to the senses, allowing people to value, learn from and pray with, the whole of the human experience. It is, therefore, always respectful and does not belittle the apparently minor events which can trigger deep responses. Good worship leads to tears and to laughter, sometimes from something as apparently simple as the touch of a hand, the sharing of a simple prayer, the singing of a simple chant, or the receiving of a small stone or other token. Services involving people of all ages and abilities also give us the opportunity to go 'back to basics' with skills such as prayer. For example, adults may not care to admit that they do not know how to meditate but an intergenerational service using a meditation written for children (see: www.relaxkids.com/library.aspx) allows adults to try new ways of meditation and find a style that is right for them.

It's worth listening to children, as these quotes demonstrate. Children enjoy participation, they focus on the community aspects of worship, and they need some clarity about what it means to be a Unitarian!

An Advent spiral based on the anthroposophical tradition. Reflects the symbolism of Advent and Christmas - bringing forth the light into the world. After an introduction and explanation the congregation are brought into the room where a beautiful evergreen spiral is laid out. Children and adults carry an unlit flame to the centre and, having used the central chalice to light it, carry it back out. Singing of chants or seasonal music, use of fragrance oils and inclusion of seasonal fruit in the spiral to be eaten at the end mean that this activity draws all the senses into worship. Thought must be given to health and safety issues when using candles.

Stephen Carlile, a lay preacher at Westgate Chapel, Wakefield, leads an annual World Aids Day service which is usually intergenerational. These have included:
- children sitting at the front of Chapel and making bookmarks for the hymn books during more challenging parts of the service
- a presentation (using a projector and screen - a useful resource) of 'post secret' postcards (see http://postsecret.blogspot.com/)
- poems written by local people living with HIV interspersed with music, during which the congregation could move around and look at displays on the walls which included poetry, art and information about HIV/AIDS
- an 'advent calendar' of the different themes adopted for World Aids Days over the years - the children opening the doors to reveal different themes some of which were then picked up with music, information or a reading.

Abandoning the usual format for worship, these prayer collages were created so that each person left with a prayer for them. The congregation started in a circle and then had a large table with lines from prayers, images and other resources. Each person started their own prayer with music playing in the background. After a period of time the music became louder as a signal to move the board on to the next person. Each person contributed to every other person's prayer. At the end there was time to sit with the prayer before sharing our feelings.

In this Remembrance Sunday service, as well as an appropriate reading, and some introduction to the symbolism of the poppy, the adults and older children wrote a message for peace on a poppy. The children then arranged the poppies on green boards to represent poppy fields. As well as allowing everybody to respond to the symbolism of the poppy, if only by learning about it, this was also a valuable opportunity for adults to express something of importance to them to the children. I have in the past been told that adults value interactive participatory services because it gives them the opportunity to talk to children about things which matter, an opportunity which can be quite rare.

Singing is popular with people of all ages and abilities. Music for meditation is also an accessible way to engage with worship. Variety in hymn styles and forms of recorded music maintains interest and helps a greater number of people engage with worship. Children who are to young to follow the words of more complex hymns can be given percussion instruments so they can join in. NB. Some (but by no means all) hymns contain vocabulary that many adults would struggle to understand - it can be useful to use the presence of children as an excuse to explain the language to adults - as the adults may well not wish to admit that they do not know!

Both intergenerational worship and family friendly worship require some thorny issues to be addressed. These are all comments which have been made to me. I do not have any easy answers except that, in my experience, good worship works for everyone and some of the best worship I have been a part of has been completely intergenerational and family friendly. Sometimes this is not even intentional, but simply because it is part of the ethos of a Unitarian community to think in advance about the needs of people who might come to services, or to try different approaches to worship that draw on all the senses and give everyone the opportunity to participate rather than remain passive.